Bertogliat wrote: The Rube wrote: Hammy wrote:
Unfortunately, I am more surprised when a parent disciplines their child these days. I see too many instances where it is clear the kid is running the show a little too much.
Timeouts? I hang my head and cry.
My great-grandma threatened us (brother and I) with a switch (willow tree branch). Never really believed her until she went out to cut one.
we retreated then. Never misbehaved again, either. With the parents? Never a belt, but that wooden spoon put a fright into us.
Either way, I'm for that sort of punishment (obviously to an extent). Timeouts or the like are worthless, IMO.
We'll see how you feel about this when you have kids. I promise you, if you do it right, a time out terrifies a 2 or 3 year old. And if you are consistent, the kid will change their behavior. The problem is you cannot always escalate things in public quite like you can at home, so if it appears my kids is getting away with something at the family reunion, it's because I am choosing to let things slide, a little, for the benefit of those around me. The kids aren't so lucky when I have the time and privacy to do a propper "breaking" of attitude. And this can be done with time outs and removal of priveledges (toys, juice treats).
I have never had to discipline either of my kids in a store. They know they will pay for it when we get home.
I won't say I have never spanked my kid. I have a few times. I cannot tell you how much more difficult it is to do than to say. You cannot take that back and you then have to worry about learned behavior.
Parenting is always easier for those who do not have kids. Try not to be judgemental.
Well stated. I decided early on that the thought of my children fearing me physically was a bad thing. I did not spank. Now, I will say that there were a couple times I wanted a piece of them - and that my son wasn't all that sure that I may not flip out on him - but that was okay with me.
When I got really steamed by his behavior I would give him a good squeeze on the back of the neck. I remember more than once he would go running down the hall screaming, "your choking me!" and "I'm dialing 911!"
I thought, "good lord, what are they teaching you in that school?"
Your comments related to discipline in public are pretty solid. Honestly, the only way to handle a disruption by your child is to stand up and remove him from the scene. If that means leave Sunday mass, a school activity or a sizzling T-Bone just as you sit for dinner, that's the way it goes. It does ZERO good to whack him up side the head. It just humiliates him and escalates the chaos.
For us it was simple. Establish rules, enforce rules...PERIOD. And then there are the "non negotiable" ones, such as curfew. I used "non negotiable" from the time they were babies and seriously when they got into the teen years, the term stopped them in their tracks. Just last Christmas my 20 year old daughter asked if she could have a glass of wine at dinner, a mere 30 days short of her 21st birthday. I said, "no, I don't think so." She went into some drama about how I know she drinks anyway etc. etc. I said, "No, and it's non-negotiable." End of discussion.
I've always felt that being a dad is a tough job, but it is a job. So I do my job.